


Overdramatic Writings of Dumb Kirby Headcanons

by average_egg



Category: Kirby - All Media Types
Genre: dumb bits with no continuity
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-20
Updated: 2018-06-20
Packaged: 2019-05-26 02:37:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14990930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/average_egg/pseuds/average_egg
Summary: This is a place where I'll put just a whole bunch of dumb stuff I write based off of only the finest of crack headcanons.





	1. Marx's Eyebrows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marx loses his eyebows

One day in Dreamland, a bronto burt was born. This bronto burt was not like others, however, and had eyebrows with the strength of 10 burts. This bronto burt was praised to the stars for his eyebrow strength, and was named Marx. Many coveted his eyebrows, jealous of their strength. One person in particular, the prince of Patch Land, felt that Marx's eyebrows were his and his alone. He set off on his lonesome one night, determined to take them for himself. When he got to Marx's residence, he broke in, and with his trusty yarn whip, yanked the eyebrows right off his face! Marx slept on happily, not having noticed the tragedy. However, when he woke up, he noticed that the other bronto burts began to avoid him. He was confused as to why, until he came across a clear pond. He peered at the pond's surface, and with a gasp, noticed that his pride and joy, his eyebrows, were gone! He fled from the bronto burt village, avoiding all others of his species. He spent many years within a cave, the lack of sunlight slowly draining his color. When he had finally recovered from the near endless sadness from his plight, he left the cave and donned a jester's hat to hide his wings, so no one would recognize him as a bronto burt. After all, what was a bronto burt without his eyebrows? On that day, he decided he would take revenge on the world that had wronged him so, and Marx's master plan began.


	2. Walky and Despacito 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Walky searches for the legendary song, Despacito 2

There was once a young microphone named Walky. Walky had made it his sacred quest to hear every song, and know them all by heart. For this, he traveled far and wide, finding songs and practicing their sound until he knew each one down to the note. There was one song, however, that had eluded him for his whole life; the legendary Despacito 2. Each note had been created by the sound of snapping gold bars, and the bassline had been harvested from the mouths of toads who lived in the legendary Crystal Swamp. To hear the song would be an incredible, divine accomplishment, yet it was said that no one had heard the song for all of eternity since its creation. Walky, despite being the most determined song hunter to ever walk on Popstar, to ever exist in the universe, even, had not found a single trace of its existence. He continued his journey far and wide across space and even time, until he had only one song left remaining to learn; the legendary song of the gods itself. He devised a plan to ask the great Nova for a wish, and began gathering the power of the stars from various planets. Each fountain blessed him with the power of thousands, until Walky finally was able bring it to Nova. The star power was transferred from his own vessel into the great clockwork star, and the Galactic Nova opened its eyes. It asked the determined traveler to make a single wish, anything that they had ever wanted, in exchange for the power of the stars. Walky took a breath. The moment they had been waiting for had finally come! Soon, they would know even the legendary Despacito 2! They released their breath, and asked Nova for the wish. Nova agreed, but gave Walky a warning: they were to not play this song to anyone else, for only the worthy would be able to listen to it. All others who heard it would perish. With a flutter in their heart, Walky agreed. Nova gathered the power of the stars it had been given, and with a flash of light, Walky was blessed with the final song they had to learn. Walky was now a master of music.


	3. Galacta was Trapped in a Fruit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Galacta Knight got trapped in a fruit

Long ago, there was an organization filled with the most powerful warriors of that age, known as the Order of Omniscience. The Order's goal was to reign supreme amongst every galaxy they could. They had already conquered tens of thousands of planets, but that was not enough for their power-hungry desires. One day, they came across a simple, rural planet known as Planet Thread Star. The Order of Omniscience invaded Thread Star, not expecting any real resistance from the inhabitants, who knew nothing but sewing. However, among the spools who lived on Thread Star, there was a mighty knight. This knight was known as Galacta, and he enjoyed a peaceful life amongst the spools. Single-handedly, he stopped the Order's warriors, returning peace to his planet. Word that a powerful warrior resided on the backwater planet soon spread to the Order's higher ups, and they sought to recruit him into their ranks. One member of the Omniscience Council in particular, named Pyric, had a great interest in the warrior who had defeated an entire army of theirs on his own. Pyric and his secretary, Contric, left to Thread Star in search of Galacta Knight. When they found him, Pyric expected Galacta to be training his battle skills, but to his surprise, Galacta was relaxing, eating a delicious pink fruit. Pyric asked him to join the Order, to which Galacta refused. Offers of fame, glory, and riches could not sway Galacta to leave his peaceful planet. Frustration growing, Pyric decided he would force Galacta to leave his planet, and cast a powerful fire spell at the ground. Thread Star lit aflame, and its flammable inhabitants burned alive. Galacta, who had been pulled off the burning planet by Contric, watched as his peaceful life was incinerated before his very eyes. Pyric asked Galacta to join the Order once more, since he was no longer held back by his planet. Galacta refused in tears, swinging his lance and attacking them. Contric rose her hands, seeing that Galacta would stop at nothing to avenge his people. The pink fruit Galacta had been eating grew, enveloping Galacta within it. Contric lowered her hands, and the fruit hardened into a crystal. Galacta was trapped within the only remnant of his fallen planet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this ended up being more sad than I was intending. hmm. also it turned less dumb.


End file.
